My Winter Holiday Letter To Magical Gift-bringer

Dear Giant Winged Muskrat,

I promise I have been a very good girl this year. I have eaten all my pretzels and performed my daily zumbalimbo routines In Your Honor. I ask that this year, You not bring death and destruction to my family. I have only eight jars of apple marmalade to offer You as a sacrifice, but I pray that You will take pity on me and accept my humble offering. Please do not flay us with Your Thorny Tentacles, O Great One, nor sting us with Your Poison Ears. Please spare us from Your Holy Wrath, I beg You. Also, I would like a Nook. And my sister in law needs a new camera.

Grovelingly,

We who are inferior in Your Presence

P.S. My husband would like a new table saw, only if it is Your Divine Will.

P.P.S. Please don’t dismember us.