I Need Supervision

This is from 4 months ago when we first moved, but I think it's a good benchmark for how just about every day goes for me.

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I keep trying to be productive and listen to the little productivity gnome that lives in my head, but it’s much easier to avoid responsibility entirely. I plan out all my days with Things To Do, but failure usually happens the night before when I’m up until 3am watching Youtube videos.

Then instead of waking up at 7 like a responsible person, I roll out of bed around 10, having spent the last three hours alternating between hitting the snooze alarm and pushing the cat off me because she won’t stop kneading my bladder.

This is where I reach a crucial turning point of my day. I have to make the decision between immediately jumping into the shower or sitting down at my computer to “just check my email quickly.”

Once I sit down at my computer, my chances for doing anything productive before noon has fizzled. I start by checking my email and then check Ravelry “just to see if I have any messages, I totally won’t browse.” Then I figure while I’m here, I’ll take a “quick peek” at Facebook. This is followed by wandering over to Cracked because they posted a new article and the next thing I know, it’s after noon and I’m still naked on the sofa.

Half the time, I make the wise decision of hopping into the shower immediately. This is followed by sitting down at the computer as a reward for being so productive. Just to check my email, of course. The next thing I know, it’s after noon and I’m still naked on the sofa, but at least I’m a clean naked on the sofa!

At this point, I realize I’ve wasted half the day already and I’m “burnin’ daylight” as my dad always says. So I immediately go into Super Productivity Mode! This is also known as the Hyperactive and Easily Distracted Mode. I start by grabbing a box of stuff and putting away the contents. Halfway through, I reach an item that has no designated home yet. So I proceed to go make a home for it.

Halfway through making a home for that item, I find a box of Stuff I Need To Take Care Of Before The Weekend. Panic sets in and I rush to work on the stuff in the box because if I don’t, the world will collapse and I’ll be living under a bridge surrounded by overly cheerful hobos telling me it could be worse. (My fears are oddly specific.)

Halfway through working on this important box, I realize I need some sort of office supply and I can’t find it anywhere. So I decide now is a good time to hit the store because I also need something else, but I wanted to wait until I had more than one thing on the list because otherwise it’s just a waste of gas.

I go get the thing I need and triumphantly walk through the door. That’s when I see the thing I needed sitting on top of a bookshelf, where I put it so I wouldn’t lose it. Shortly after, I realize that I forgot about those errands I had to run today and I’m pissed because I really don’t want to have to make another trip back into town.

So I stomp over to the computer to respond to the obnoxious flashing orange bar that says I have 10,000 AIM messages that I received while I was out. That’s when I trip over the box of stuff that started this whole mess, scattering its contents across the floor.

I respond by kicking the box across the room and accidentally into the one spot a cat was sleeping. The cat bolts out of her hidey-hole and spazzes across the kitchen counter, leaving destruction in her wake.

This leads to me having to go clean up the mess, using the empty box I just kicked as a ”I’ll stick it here for now and take care of it later” because I have Important Stuff To Do.

I sit back down at the computer and remember that I have a couple job applications to finish. So I finish those and go to print them, but then remember that I had unhooked the printer to move it to its permanent home. So I have to hook it back up. But the spot where the printer goes is covered in stuff that I didn’t finish unpacking the previous day. So I grab an empty box (we have a lot right now) and toss it all in. I hook up the printer and go to print out my applications and resumes.

Ding! We’re out of resume paper! I check the closing dates on the jobs and decide I’d better hit the store so I can turn the application in today. On my way out, I trip over the strewn stuff from the box I originally intended to unpack. I grab another empty box, toss it all in, then run out the door.

I get back from the store and print out my applications and resumes. I discover I have no pen, so I dig in some boxes for pens and along the way, discover a pad of resume paper. I grumble and sign the stuff, then get it all ready and run back out to turn the applications in.

I get home and realize:

1. I have been to town three times and haven’t once done any of my errands.
2. Instead of emptying one box, I have actually filled two.
3. All the items I had to run to the store to buy were in the first box of stuff I was trying to unpack.

And thus has been the last week of my life.

If I Ever Get to Sleep, I'll Consider Wednesday A Win

10:00pm - Decide to do the canning I didn’t quite get to the rest of the day.

12:00am - Finished canning, get ready to go to bed.

12:15 - As I’m turning out the lights, decide for the hell of it, I’ll check the empty utensil drawers to see if any mice have been caught in the traps. Since there have been none after discovering the carnage on Thanksgiving, I don’t anticipate seeing anything.

12:15:09 - See a mouse in the trap.

12:22 - Finish bagging mouse, cleaning drawer, disposing of remains, and re-setting trap.

12:22:10 - Pause on the way back to bed to check silverware and cookware drawer for mouse evidence.

12:24 - Having finished cursing, prepare all utensils and drawer inserts for sterilization.

2:00 - Clean drawers, set traps in now empty drawers, while wondering where to put utensils and whether mouseproof utensil organizers exist.

2:18 - Get ready to go to bed, but decide am thoroughly pissed off and it’s time to get the little fuckers at the source. Set traps in garage right next to kitchen where they’ve been known to wander down the wall.

2:36 - Remember the electric trap, figure what the hell, it can’t hurt, and set it up in the garage.

2:58 - Add mouse traps, paper towels, 409, and disposable gloves to shopping list.

3:04 - Finally in bed.

5:06 - Still awake because the cat has spent the last two hours wandering outside the bedroom, howling at the top of his goddamn lungs.

5:09 - Get up, stomp into hallway, and led into living room by the cat who trots around and howls in his “omgthere’ssomethingihavetoshowyouknowbecauseit’sreallyimportantcomesee!” voice.

5:13 - After being led on an exhaustive search that includes the litter box room, his food bowl (not empty, but filled it anyway), and the scratching post, the cat completes his mission, flops on the floor, and gives me his “oh hai, now that I have led you in a futile search for something that might be wrong, please direct your attention to my belly, which needs to be rubbed. Also, my head needs scratching, thanks.”

5:15 - Finish rubbing cat’s belly and scratching cat’s head.

5:15:20 - Stumble into kitchen, notice a blinking light coming from the basement. Remember the electric trap said it would blink green if a mouse had been caught.

5:17 - Finish getting dressed, go to garage to see what’s up. See a second mouse in another trap.

5:19 - Take benadryl in the hopes I’ll fall asleep before sunrise, suit up in gloves and bags, clean up mice, disinfect, and reset traps.

5:31 - Sit down on sofa. Notice the cat has been completely silent for the last fifteen minutes.

5:31:30 - Go back to bed.

5:32 - The cat starts howling again.